Am I thriving or just surviving my life? This question has been taking constant circles inside my mind from last few days. What do we actually mean by living, thriving or surviving? Again, each one of us might have different perception on this, and we cannot say one is right and another might be wrong. It all depends on the life experiences each one of us go through. I agree that life might not always be a bed of roses but what it takes for a human being with emotions and feelings to experience that at least once? Again, as I always quote in my blogs that I don’t assume or generalize anything in my blogs and share only my personal experiences and my situations which I go through in my life. So, you might be thinking what is my perception on this aspect of life, right? It may not be very different from few others around but am sure it is neither the same as many of you out there.

I always felt and believed that I am a strong woman mentally and emotionally against the myth that women are too emotional and sentimental. People around me also have always agreed to this and kept on telling me that I can face anything in life because am a strong person. But today as I share this with you all, 42 years of life, 10 surgeries, multiple medical complications and the list goes on and there is never an end to these things in my life. But I feel life is beyond all these things and no matter what, the show must go on. Still, people come to me and say that’s fine as all these are passing clouds of life and they will move on soon. Maybe they are right, and I just smile at them then but the very next moment there is a question which arises in my mind, and I ask myself – WHEN? How long can a person be patient enough and pretend to be strong in life and keep on overcoming all the hurdles? I am glad to have so many positive people in my life who keep motivating me to overcome all these challenges and keep going in my life. But the fact is that the pain and suffering I am going through cannot be explained it to anyone and no one might be able to understand the intensity of it as they are looking at the situation from the other side of the frame. I know what it takes to be in the same ocean trying to swim across all these challenges without giving up, especially when one is tired both physically & mentally and have zero energy left inside to even give it a try. I always feel that people also don’t put too many efforts in being available for the people who are mentally and emotionally strong. They just feel they will anyways take care of anything that comes across in their paths and they don’t need anyone to comfort them. But trust me folks, in real life, this does not work the way it is portrayed in the world. At some point of time, you start striving for that one single person who would come to you without you asking or telling anything about what you feel, and you expect that person to pacify you and give you that confidence that they are there for you no matter what. I would not deny that I too have couple of people in my life who give me this confidence but again there is always a boundary to it, right? Afterall no one can be there for you or with you all the time and this might only be possible within their boundaries and limitations? But is it really that difficult to understand and accept this fact of life. If you ask me at this point of time, I will definitely say yes. The emotional state I am in probably doesn’t allow me to understand this what I have been doing my entire life. Now, I totally feel the other way round and I feel it is required for anyone to vent out all these emotional complications at some point of time in our lives.

I have always tried to balance my emotions myself and not to depend on anyone to this extent. But I guess as we keep going in life ahead and at a point after overcoming so many challenges and hurdles of life, we tend to get tired of doing everything ourselves. If the entire life, we ourselves need to understand and take care of our feelings and emotions, why do the relationships ever need to exist in the world? A woman always puts others first in her life – her family, her duties, her responsibilities and the list never end. But how many of them in the world think what she needs in her life, what is that one thing which would make her happy or what she aims to do in her life? Nothing matters because the so-called society only thinks and talks about the duties and responsibilities of a woman, but no one thinks about the rights of a woman. Why does a woman only have to take care of all the responsibilities of family and sacrifice all those things which she wants to do for her own happiness. Few of us might be really lucky to have experienced this in life and might have got a chance to live their lives on their terms, not thinking and bothering about the societal terms dictated for a woman. But don’t you think for everything, there is a saturation point and beyond that we cannot take it more. After going through all these challenges in life for so many years, I am now in the phase of that maximum tolerance level. People think that everything is a joyful ride for me as I pretend to be happy in front of the world, but does that mean I don’t have any pain in my life? Absolutely not, every night the way my body and mind gives me the most horrifying experience of life. I once read a quote which said, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” This quote had a great positive impact in my life. Frankly, when I look many women or girls of this generation, I feel I always have balanced and handled my life pretty well and I can really be proud of myself for facing and overcoming so many challenges in life without ever getting weak. I am sure not many of them out in the world are mentally strong enough to take this sort of physical and emotional pressure in life. So, whenever someone used to quote about the age in front of me, I used to deny saying that I am in a much better state both physically and emotionally in this age as compared to many of the younger generation people. But these days, my body is actually proving me wrong, and it is forcing me to think that may be age factor does matter at some point of time in our lives. No doubt that my life is still happening in 40s but it is high time for me to realize and accept the fact that my body is deteriorating physically and not allowing me to be active and energetic I always have been. With the physical pain comes the emotional trauma, because of these physical challenges in my life, I am forced to quit my passions, which have been my biggest strengths always and those are the things that have been pushing me to keep going ahead no matter what.

In the midst of all this chaos inside my mind, I came across a poster which said, “Are you thriving or just surviving?” Somewhere this quote moved me and forced me to relate this to my life story. Few mins of silence and then I asked myself the same question and all of a sudden rest everything seemed just clear in my mind. Life has thrown many challenges throughout my journey till today, but these challenges are only a part of life and not the entire life itself. When I clear my focus and look beyond all these tough times, no doubt I am in a very happy space of life. That was the moment I decided once again to stop focusing on how stressed I am and remember how blessed I am. Life is a series of thousands of tiny miracles; we just need to clear our lens and notice them. If we never experience the chill of a dark winter, it is very unlikely that we will ever cherish the warmth of a bright summer’s day. It is high time that I make my mind and heart realize that nothing stimulates our appetite for the simple joys of life more than the starvation caused by sadness or desperation. In order to complete our life journey successfully, it is vital that we turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom and find the blessing in every curse. It is very true that life is very interesting in the end, some of our greatest pains become our greatest strengths. As I quote this, I decide to take charge of my own happiness and stop giving this control to anything or anyone in this world. If life continues to surprise me with these tough challenges, I will make sure to amaze it with my comeback. Sometimes we lose ourselves for a while, and that’s ok as it is all just a part of learning. I feel the biggest comeback for any person in this world is making themselves happy again and this time I am stubborn on this and yes, am not deviating from it at any cost. I have battled my entire life to become a strong woman I am today. I admit that I have my own set of flaws and imperfections, and I like things to go my way. But I am happy with whatever I am and whatever I have in my life.

It is important for each one of us to realize and understand that as long as we keep moving forward, overcoming the obstacles in our way, we will surely improve in the long run. Belief in ourselves and all that we are and believe that there is something inside us that is greater than all these obstacles. Challenges are what makes life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful is the new learning and the new feeling which has given me that extra push which was required for me to bounce back to my original self. I am now confidently ready to challenge my challenges, are you? Better never than late folks, If I can motivate myself to get back after falling badly so many times, so can you! Life is tough, it throws challenges, and every challenge comes with rainbows and lights to conquer it. My new mission of life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor and some style.